Obama’s American Dream: $15 an Hour

September/10/2014 5:11AM
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Young and old alike, here’s the new American Dream. You will make $15 an hour. Of course, my union, the Service Worker’s will take $3-4 of that raise- for getting you the raise. That money will go back to electing democrats who can come up with big ideas like a $15 minimum wage.

I won’t tell you this either. Some of that raise will go to higher prices for food and gasoline and everything else you shop so hard for to live on lower wages. See, we want to unionize all the places you shop, McDonald’s and Wal-Mart, first and foremost. Like that $7 Big Mac and those $30 jeans on sale?

I’ve raised the price of a college education so many of you will choose not to graduate with $75K in student loans. That’s why you need that $15 an hour job.

If you were a coal miner, I’m putting you out of work. I’ve already put 10,000 of you union miners on the street. You were making $25 an hour for unsafe work, so I’m really doing you a favor by getting you $15 an hours vs. food stamps.

I could create hundreds of $50 an hour jobs putting in a new pipeline but why would I do that when I’m getting you $15 an hour for flipping burgers?  You see, we don’t want any manufacturing here in this country. Especially in California, New York, or any of those big states that think like I do.  They could be fracking and producing domestic energy with high paying jobs in their oil fields, but no, can’t do that. We’d rather buy from the Saudi’s. Or, keep dreaming about things like Solendra. I’m a big dreamer, you see. I dreamt I could pull all the troops out of Iraq and look how that dream turned out. www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDpcbRadvNI

You may have some jobs in the military soon since I’m looking at a couple of new big wars on my way out of office.

I’m increasing the prices of utilities by closing those coal-fired power plants. I’m looking at higher gasoline prices since I want you to run your cars on electricity even thought I’m reducing the supply of that commodity.

My social programs are time-tested in every corner of the world. The USSR, for example, or Cuba or even Detroit. When the government gives you things you get used to getting free stuff. You give up those plans for a bigger life. You now know how high to reach since I’m putting the number out there for you. It’s $15 an hour. That’s the new America.

I’ve increased unemployment for minorities and young people. I’m about to add 8-10 million illegals to the labor market to compete for your $15 an hour job, so be sure to show up for work tomorrow or one of them will be there when you show up the  next day.

Don’t worry about thanking me for what I’ve done for you and the country.  I’m fine. Like most politicians I got rich while in office, so I’ll be at the country club or giving speeches for $100K a pop.

Yours truly,

Your humble servant, Barack Obama

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