Support President Obama, Be A Team Player

May/02/2009 19:01PM
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All of us have learned to be team players at some point in our lives. Some learn it sooner and better than others. Now it’s time to set aside all that stubbornness and be part of the Obama team. It will take some sacrifice, but good team play always does. Let’s look at the small price you will pay to be of team Obama.

First, if you are over 60, you might have to die for the team. When you get his new health insurance, it will be rationed much like organ transplants are today. If you are old, go to the back of the line. Even if you can pay for your own treatment, it won’t matter. You still go to the back of the line. Some overweight, under qualified, unconcerned bureaucrat will decide whether you, your spouse, or your siblings will live or die. Think post office and license bureau. There will be no new supply of doctors and nurses and treatment centers to take care of the millions of new patients who will get free treatment. It will be like the gas lines we had with Jimmy Carter all over again. But, people will be dieing in these lines. Suck it up and be a team player.

You will get to pay for a lot of lazy people to go to college. Probably, many will be unqualified and unmotivated, but what the hell, it’s free. You probably paid your own way through college with summer jobs, part-time jobs, and student loans. No matter, now’s your chance to pay for another dozen or so kids to go to college. Not your kids or grand kids, but some one else’s kids and grand kids. It’s a lot like one of those sponsor a wolf in the wild deals, but they at least send a picture of the wolf and give you a name for this wolf. They may send that same picture to hundreds of people, but who cares. Then they pocket the money. Same with this deal. You may pay for 50 undeserving kids to go to college. Not a one may get past the sophomore year or graduate, but won’t you feel more like a team player for doing this? And, won’t you feel better knowing they didn’t have to deal with a summer job, a part-time job, or take on any student loans, thanks to you?

Next you not only get to part of Team Obama, but also Team Gore. You get to add a couple of thousand to your energy bills to let some family in China drive a car for the first time, have electricity made from coal, and live in a heated and air conditioned house. You offset what they didn’t do and will now start doing. You see, for years their carbon footprint has been zero. Now it can equal yours. Yours stays the same, of course, but according to the team, someone offsets your carbon emissions by growing plankton off the coast of Somalia. To get them to grow this plankton, we charge you extra for energy. That explains the carbon credits that you paid extra for at the pump and to the utility companies. Makes perfect sense now, doesn’t it? The plankton in Somolia ate carbon and that was the carbon you put into the environment. Now, the Chinese family can put their’s into the environment and it’s a zero sum game. Don’t ask how we can offset a billion Chinese and a few million Indians. That’s not being a team player. It just takes more plankton. And, more money from you to buy them.

You are going to have to create a bit of a problem for your kids and grand kids down the road to be on this team. We are going to spend trillions to do all these great things, and, of course, for Obama to be reelected and keep the team momentum. No problem, you will probably be gone by then waiting for heart surgery for 6 months with the new free insurance.

Or, it that doesn’t get you then you may live in a place where some terrorist will set off a nuke. I know, you think Janet Napolitano is about the dumbest choice in the world to keep us safe, but she is on the team after all, and you just need to take one for the team, even if it’s a nuke.

I could point out some other little things you may have to do for the team, like pay your neighbor’s mortgage, pay more income tax so another 1000 people who pay none get a nice rebate, give up your charitable deductions, your mortgage deduction, pay more death taxes, buy a crap car from the new Chrysler or GM, give some more money to the post office and Amtrak, and give up your gun if you have one. Lot’s of freedoms and liberties have to go to be a part of this team.

See, there, once you put it on paper it’s not so bad. Just think of all the great coaches of all time and their inspiring messages and it won’t be so hard to get out there on the field and win one for the Obama.

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