Congress Must Go

June/22/2008 16:37PM
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With a 15% approval rating, why re-elect anyone? If we can’t get term limits to expunge this group, let’s just give any new face a chance. Kick anyone out who has been in for more than one term. Cross party lines to do it. It’s embarrassing to the collective intellect of America that the two presidential candidates come from this labor pool. Do we really want more of this?

Here’s what congress has done for us. We are in a deepening recession. The stock market is in the tank. The dollars continues to fall. Energy and food prices are at all-time highs. Unemployment is growing. Financial institutions are on the rocks. Wall Street is moving to London to get away from the Sarbanes Oxley Act. The health care situation is broken. Social Security is bankrupt. Key industries like airlines, domestic auto manufacturing, retail, mining, and all heavy production are cutting back and the jobs will be gone. 

If you were the CEO of USA Corp. you would call all the managers(senators and representatives) and fire most of the lot. You would be filling all of these jobs with more talented capable people. If you were to analyze how USA Corp. got in this mess you would start by looking at what the managers have put off limits by restriction. Anything that emits a puff of smoke can’t be done. So it gets done elsewhere since demand for those products are high. That restrictions eliminates millions of jobs. Let’s let illegal aliens come in and fill some more jobs. Let’s lock out all forms of energy that the country needs. That locks out some more jobs and sends billions of dollars elsewhere. Dubai is setting up a new version of Wall Street with petro dollars. The Wall Street work that doesn’t go to London will be competing with Dubai. 

Now, we have restricted everything we can think of to restrict, let’s mandate some things. Ethanol, for example. Of course, that drives up food prices all over the world, but so what. New light bulbs that are polluters and only made in China because we don’t want mercury production here. But, we will allow the broken bulb to belch tons of it into the atmosphere from trash trucks and land fills. And, we send more wealth to the Chinese who are going to replace us as the world power. But, this is the only bulb you will be able to buy come 2011. 

We also like big government. Big government doesn’t work, but we want more of it. We want to windfall profit tax the oil industry so we can set up a new huge bureaucracy to develop renewable energy. We don’t know what type we can develop but it will create tons of new government jobs,and more government jobs give us more power and that’s good. 

We like big taxes. We hate corporations. We want to tax them right out of the country. We are in the top five in the world in corporate taxes and we really want to be number one. Sorry about all those lost jobs. We’ll find you something in the government. It’s not a bad gig. You don’t have to do any work and you get better benefits than anyone else in America. We want to tax the rich and raise limits to social security tax levels so more and more of you can pay more and more. Except, you government workers, of course.

We are big thinkers. Especially we left wing elitists liberals. We want to nationalize more and more. First, health care. We want to run your health care for you. We are also looking at refineries, the oil industry, the airlines, and lots of other ideas. You will like it. Most of the refineries will be closed most of the time because we will blow them up along with a few dozen people. Mexico is trying to bring the oil companies back because the government oil company can’t produce any oil, but we are better than Mexico. Don’t worry. Airlines, we’ll provide the very best experience on AMAIR. We will, of course, look first for diversity with our pilots, not experience. Seniority will be next. We will retrain your mailman to fly.

We know you will like our performance more when we get all of these great ideas up and running. Just bear with us for a few years. Before you know it American will be just like Cuba. We think Obama will be a good version of Castro and he’s young enough to run it for almost as long.

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