When I was a kid I dreamed of the greatest president of all time. In my dream she was:
She was an elderly lady who lied about everything, even when it wasn’t necessary. See, I knew kids even them who could never tell the truth. They grew up to be adults who never told the truth. It’s like a sickness one never cures.
My dream president hadn’t driven a car in 20 years. That made her seem real to me. She had a husband who chased all the ladies like the neighbor down the street. That husband finally got tossed out and his kids, my friends, cried a lot.
My dream president would be a disbarred lawyer. They are the best kind, you know. She would have the world’s biggest money laundering operation in history. She and her husband would go around to foreign countries and companies and make speeches for favors. Then donate the money to a foundation. Write it all off and then use the money as they saw fit. She would actually be married to an ex-president, one who got impeached and also disbarred for screwing with an intern. They would have a daughter who got a job paying $900K a year right out of college. Sweet.
My dream president would be a senator from a state where she never really lived. She would vote to invade Iraq, then condemn the invasion because she knows Americans forget the big things. She spent her time in the senate getting ready to run for president knowing diversity was king in this country. She got trumped, pun intended, by a black. Became Secretary of State and pretty much screwed up everything she touched. Set up her own e-mail server so she could hide the deals that raked in the cash for the foundation. The FBI said she was stupid and a liar, but that did not disqualify her for being our next president.
My dream president would have a stroke and fall on her head and drink a lot with a persistent cough. Her husband would look like an aids victim now. Can’t image why. She would refuse to do press conferences since she is totally incapable of speaking without that TelePrompter. She looks like your Christmas tree when you take it to the curb in that bag. She had to fire her DNC Chairperson for rigging the nomination, then hire her with Foundation money since Debbie is actually nastier than my dream president.
My dream president will probably be elected since the Republicans are terminally stupid and many don’t support their candidate. He, unlike my dream president, has actually done stuff in his life like build things and made money the old fashioned way. Things the Republicans who don’t support him have never done. He isn’t owned like my dream president who is owned by the unions, Wall Street, and anyone with a buck. There is a remote possibility that some of these Republicans may lose their primary elections and they can blame it on him.
There you have it. My dreams have dome true. I didn’t join the circus, become a fireman, a cowboy, marry Marilyn Monroe, play professional baseball, or any of those other dreams. But, now my life is complete. My country may elect my dream president in November.
