Oscar night in Hollywood is always a reminder of our love for glitz and glamor and our infatuation with a way to escape reality through films.
Here’s how Oscar night might go in Washington.
Best full-length film: Tea Party Caffeinates America. A story about a splinter group, loosely-organized, and ignored by Democrats and the media, wakes up a sleeping country and takes over a mid-term election. A fictional work that could never happen, it was very well done.
Best actor, Barack Obama, for his role in the film, Bankrupting America. Obama played the role of an American President who was elected for his inspiring rhetoric and charismatic personality. His lack of leadership and experience resulted in reckless spending and a series of bad decisions with calamitous results for the country. His poll ratings sank and the film ended with him trying to do damage control, but to little avail.
Best supporting actor, Rahm Emanuel. Emanuel played the role of a villainous creep who was Chief of Staff to an incompetent US President. In the film, Bankrupting America, Emanuel really ran the country. The president read teleprompters and followed directions from Emanuel. At the end of the film Emanuel’s character, sensing imminent disaster, quit and went off to be mayor of Chicago where the money was better.
Best actress in a feature film, Nancy Pelosi. Nancy starred in the film, Lying to America. She was a career politician who was devoid of ethics and worshipped power. As Speaker of the House she twisted arms, jammed through legislation, and caused many fellow Democrats to lose elections. Her character had so much plastic surgery she could not move a muscle in her face. Many compared her performance to the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz.
Best Supporting Actress. Valarie Jarrett. For the film, Repairing the Economy, Jarrett played a confidant to the President of the US. A far-left liberal, she had the president’s ear. She pushed him to pass health care reform, stimulus spending, and numerous other liberal agenda items that put the country on the verge of bankruptcy. In a strange twist at the end of the film, the president named her character as the liaison to business to foster an economic recovery. While the plot was not believable, Jarrett brought such great skill to the role that audiences(all Democrats) found it credible.
Best Actor in a Comedy, Joe Biden. In this film Biden played a fool who was elected Vice President of the United States. His character had audiences rolling in the aisles as he made gaffe after gaffe. The film, The Vice President as King of Comedy, set revenue records for box offices around the world. Jerry Lewis was quoted as saying, ” I could have done that role.” It was the Washington version of the Pink Panther.
Best Documentary Film. A documentary about two Washington politicians, one a Congressman and one a US Senator. who caused a housing meltdown and got away scott free. The film, the Fleecing of America, documented how a man named Barney Frank and another named Chris Dodd pushed Freddie and Fannie to insure loans for mortgages to people who didn’t qualify for a loan. Their dream was for every American to own a home. When the house of cards fell, Barney and Chris blamed the financial institutions and avoided any penalty for the damage. A complicit media played along. An unwitting president had the two of them develop regulations to protect the country from a repeat of the disaster. Of course, the film showed that Freddie and Fannie continue to operate as they always have and the reform to the financial community is ineffective only resulting in most cost to the banks which is being passed on to the voters. The producer and director and all the actors in the film are blacklisted by Hollywood and may never work again.
Best Producer of a short documentary film, Michele Obama. The film, Ignore my Bum, don’t touch that Bun, is a story about fixing obesity in America. The film is about a First Lady with a lot of junk in the trunk who tries to regulate what kids can eat. Vending machines in schools only vend vegetables. High school cafeterias dispense healthy foods only. Kids who don’t eat healthy are sent to rehab. Kids have rebelled. Pictures and graffiti across the country show the backside of the First Lady next to a Budweiser Clydesdale backside with the caption, ” which is bigger.” Candy bars are sold on the black market at twice the adult price. Kids are getting fatter and fatter as the effort to dictate dietary habits to kids backfires.
Hosting the Washington Oscars this year for the first and last time was Glen Beck. It seems his humor was not appreciated in Washington.
