October/27/2009 15:41PM
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Car sales are dead, and our government owns two US car companies. No problem, Cash for Clunkers. Give away almost $2 billion in taxpayer money to move sales forward, stiff car dealers out of money, slow pay the dealers, and create a junkyard across America that would make Lady Bird spin in her grave. Take a lot of cars off the road that the poor need. Reduce mileage by 0.1% in the process. Oh, and sell a lot of foreign made cars. Boy, that cash program worked well.

Social Security recipients will not get a raise next year. No problem, we’ll send them $250 each. This will get them off my back. The polls show they are not happy with my health care reform. Don’t understand why they are mad. I only plan to take a half trillion out of Medicare expense and eliminate or tax Medicare Select. Sure hope this cheesy $250 bails me out. The old folks come out in numbers in off-year elections and I could lose a bunch of my rubber stamp senators and congressmen. Yeah, it adds to the deficit. And, the deficit is making people mad and worried. They just don’t understand, I just print up some more money and I can use cash to solve any problem. It’s much easier than trying to find a real solution. That kind of work gives me a headache.

Housing market is in the tank. I’ll just give every first-time home buyer $8,000. It expired, but I’ll extend it since so many are using the program. See, Obamaconomy works. You give people cash and they respond. Sure, there could be problems down the road. Some of these new buyers are using the FHA 3% down program and they look a lot like those sub prime cats that were using Freddie and Fannie, but down the road problems don’t bother me. Have you seen my poll numbers? I need today fixes.

Jobless rate is causing me problems. Solution, cash, again. I’ll give a business $3,000 for every new worker they hire. After all, have you seen what Obamaconomy has done to the dollar. If I pay $3,000 for a new job, it’s only really $2,000 vs. what the dollar was worth with I implemented Obamconomy.

Then, there’s that messy little problem in Afghanistan. Too many people remember me calling that the good war. It’s getting really hard to blame this one on Bush. The generals want more troops and that means I have to take a position. Can’t vote present. Public and my fellow Democrats don’t want me to send more troops. How can the Noble Peace Prize winner escalate a war? I’m trying to sell the idea that I am following Joe Biden’s strategy, but that’s a stretch since too many know Joe’s an idiot. Back to Obamaconomy. This solves everything, even war. I’ll just give Pakistan a few billion to fight the war for me. They need the money and they won’t miss a few thousand lost soldiers. See, money solves everything.

That’s it in a nutshell. If you have a problem, just go to the register and pull out a few billion. That will solve the problem and it took no work, no stress, and no risk. It’s something I invented and I call it Obamaconomy.

It’s part of Hope and Change. I invented that too. Maybe next year I’ll win some prize for inventing things, like an Edison award.

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